


We missed our chance...Didn't we?

by beautifulsolitude03



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, F/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-03
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-11 06:25:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7880008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beautifulsolitude03/pseuds/beautifulsolitude03
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You don't tell anyone of how sometimes people become slaves to the things they love most.</p><p>Though you know you should.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We missed our chance...Didn't we?

**Author's Note:**

> (Post) Habbits of my heart. (AU) Soulmate Universe, where a symbol related to your soulmate slowly starts to appear on your skin when you hit puberty, and grows as you get older.

"There are people we meet in life  
who miss being important to us by inches,  
days, or heartbeats. Another place or time  
or a different emotional frame of mind and  
we would willingly fall into their arms; gladly  
take up their challenge or invitation. But as it is,  
we encounter them when we are discontent or  
content, and they are not. Whatever they are,  
we are not and vice versa. Two trains going in  
different directions that pass for a few powerful  
moments at full speed, blasting noise and wind  
but then they are gone. Whatever serious chemistry  
might have been possible if, isn't."

-Jonathan Carroll

**

Riley doesn't bring up fate anymore. Over the years she just stopped. And though you're relieved, it's weird not hearing her endless chatter about destiny and soulmates.

You're not exactly sure when it happened. Or why you hadn't noticed such a change. You just know her eyes don't shine quite the same. That the warmth behind her smile is just a bit dimmer. Just a bit cooler. And guilt lives inside you now.

But being the chief of the Riley committee is no longer your job. She is no longer your clumsy, wide-eyed goofball. But you are no longer her rebellious wild child who goes too far. You have long since vacated the position by her side. _He_ has taken your place. He takes care of her. And she takes care of _him._ And you are fine with this. Or at least that's what you tell the ache in your chest.

**

There is a lot more downtime now. More than you've had during previous summer's. So, sometimes you lie splayed out on your bed and your thoughts torture you. The metal spring that had long ago poked through your mattress, stabs you in your back. But the stinging discomfort in the curve of your spine is not always enough of a distraction to disrupt your loud mind. Nothing really is, except maybe for when the muse strikes.

This is the only reprieve you're allowed. When everything inside you grows quiet, and there is not a whisper in your mind. Not a hurricane inside your chest. These are the instances when you are not person. Not girl. Not rebel. Not storm. But ordered chaos. A servant of inspiration. These flashes of creativity, though rare, always hit you hard, harder than should be possible. And when they do you are held captive for hours, sometimes whole days. Until you simply can't move anymore. Until all you can do is collapse in exhaustion.

You don't tell anyone of how sometimes people become slaves to the things they love most. Though you know you should. You are all weary shaking hands, and paint splattered t-shirt. A canvas that is always left unfinished.

You wake up on the floor, your skin sticky with cold sweat. But this time is different, there is a blanket settled atop your body when you come to. Your hands are stiff and your fingers are sore as you lift yourself from the floor. It does not surprise you when you turn on your phone to find that there are six text messages, and five missed phone calls. Three from Riley, the others from Zay and Farkle.

Riley at 5 p.m: _Where are you?_

Riley at 5:30 p.m: _Peaches?_

Riley at 7:00 p.m: _Are you mad at me? Please answer me! Peaches?_

Farkle at 9:30 p.m: _We haven't seen you in days. Maya are you okay? Riley's really worried._

Lucas at 10:12: _Quit it, Maya! This is not funny. It's been three days! Come to school. Please?_

Zay at 12 a.m: _I stopped by your place. When I got there, you were knocked out cold. I admit I totally freaked like a little girl for a strait five minutes, until it occurred to me to check your pulse...Anyway, I left you something on the counter, and in the fridge...Your welcome. Oh, and by the way; nice painting.;)_

You're already in front of the kitchen by the time you're finished reading the message. No matter how exhausted you are, there is a small smirk on your face when you open the fridge to find a cold beer. You pop it open, and look to the counter to see a takeout tray. You take a thoughtful sip, before taking a peek.

And you allow your self a fist pump when you realize it's a tuna melt. Suffice it to say, you owed Zay big time.

But then again, you guys were kinda-sorta-best friends now, and you already had him wrapped around your finger. But if you were being honest, you let him get away with a lot of stuff these days. So who was really wrapped around the other's finger?

And just like that you know; you two are bound to be discovered.

**  
You try to pinpoint when exactly Riley stopped bringing up the subject.

And it all seems to lead back to the trip all of you took last year. Surprisingly, this was not your idea, but Riley's and Huckleberry's. A week long trip; just to spend time with your group of friends. No Adults, and no electronics allowed.

"I miss looking at you guys," Riley had told the group.

Who at that point were still pretty reluctant. This was only because over the last couple of months, school had made you all pretty busy. Riley had straight A's, cheerleading, babysitting Auggie, and dating Lucas to worry about. There is only so much time in a day. A week. A month.

And you could never bring yourself to become a burden.

So you let the most important person in your life slowly slip from your fingers

**

It started with missed meetings at Topanga's Bakery. An unanswered text here. A missed phone call there.

You're still friends. You're still thunder, and she is still lightning. You just don't climb through her window as much.

You have a theory; you've become lightning, and she thunder. Whatever the case, you've never felt so dangerous. So unaware of where and when you'd strike. You've never been so scared of yourself.

It's like this; you're bad. And bad things aren't supposed to like nice things. You learned this especially at the Ski Lodge.

You still love her. But you can't speak. And you find it mildly amusing that she can still talk your ears off. Sometimes about cheer practice. But mostly, about Lucas. You're best friend thinks she's found true love. Knows she's found true love.

"I'm happy for you, Riles." You tell her.

What you don't: Is he your soulmate?

You're not sure you want to know.

Anyways, Lucas has football, baseball, academics, and Riley.They're both so busy that it doesn't leave much time for the group to really talk. Hell, you only met up with Riley once this week. And the poor boys don't really have enough time for their bromance.

Farkle and Smackle have been focused on tackling every after school extracurricular activity, and dominating all of them. Excluding anything having to do with sports of course.

"This will give us all a chance to actually hang out with each other."

Zay chuckles, soft and low. Secretive. You pressed the heel of your boot into the worn material of his converse. He winced, silent as his poker face slipped back on. The group didn't really notice. Except for Lucas who frowned, and maybe Farkle who seemed to wink at you.

You blinked, dismissed the wink as Farkle being-well... Farkle. You shifted in your cushioned seat uncomfortably, and unconsiously draped your feet over Zay's lap, his legs propped up on the coffee table. The good news; no one seemed to realize this.

"I don't know, the debate team finals are this week." Smackle said, with a reluctant pinch of her brows. Farkle nodded rather enthusiastically, while he grasped Smackle's hand excitedly.

"We're going to take a lot of pleasure from crushing their mortal minds."

An amused huff escaped you, and Zay shook his head, his eyes carefully trained on Riley, and Lucas.

The couple sat on a love-seat, not an inch of space between them. But that all changed when Riley naturally grew more distressed.

Her eyes were glassy, and her hand tightly clasped together. "Come on, Guys! I don't want to drift so far that we can't come back together." Her voice was watery, and you imagine heartbreaking to everyone's ears, because everyone caved.

Riley did her famous Yaaaay!

Lucas looked at you, determined. Flashed you this soft half smile.

And just like that. You knew. Your weekend was bound to be fucked.

**

The Mathews' as expected were at first not very accepting to the idea. And what ever Riley wanted, you made sure she got. So, you spouted some bullshit about being safe with the boys coming along, and how they wouldn't allow anything bad to happen to all of you.

And to confirm this the boys nodded, their eyes earnest, their smiles somehow fond, and determined.

You easily recall the diabolical gleam in Farkle's eyes, the way a muscle in Zay's jaw had twitched, his laughing eyes for once serious. And Lucas's clenched fists at just the mere thought.

You had felt a brief moment of pity for anyone whoever tried to harm Riley, Smackle, or even you. Though, later you would tell them to cut that shit out because you could take care of yourself.

Cory nodded, looking appeased but none to happy. Shawn was different, his eyes were uncertain. Unconvinced.

"How can I trust you with something so precious that life has seen fit to gift to me?

Cory followed suit. "Yeah!"

But then, your eyes had only been for your stepfather. And his for you, as he eyed you gently. His hand compulsively gripping the other as if for the life of him he could not let go. Didn't want to. He seemed to be just barely holding himself back.

Your heart broke because though you knew he had cared about you even before he married your mother. It still shocked you when he treated you as if you were his own.Treated you as if you always had been. You never could quite belive it. Never could quite get over the shock.

Everyone had gone quiet, watching you for your reaction. You were supposed to be the edgy bad girl. And bad girls don't think. Dont feel. They mess up. Break things. Destroy anything that comes to close.

Except... you had grown up. And only Shawn had got it. He always had.

So of course, when he opened his arms, you ran into them, wrapping your arms around him just as tightly becase there were so few people on this earth who held a piece of you. Who knew it and understood.

When you stepped back, you ignored the warm looks you and him recieved from the others. You looked at Shawn, all business, as you casually mentioned how it was time to make the world Riley's and Your's. How it wasn't ever going to belong to any of you until they gave you the freedom to explore it. And you knew you had them when they all collectively sighed.

They both agreed albeit with some reluctance.Topanga gave an uneasy smile.

"I know. I know." Shawn looked down. "I just..I thought we'd have more time."

And of course you understood. Grasped the words he didn't say. Couldn't seem to utter.

Life had seen fit to make Shawn happy. But it could also see fit to take it all away. It had before. 

You knew it wasn't that he knew something would happen to. Or felt instinctively wrong about this whole trip. The problem for him lie with the fact that there was a very real possibility that anything could. 

And Shawn had never liked his odds.

"We do." You promised, as you met his gaze. "Hows' about when I get back; Me, mom, and you have a date at the movies."

His kicked puppy look brightened slightly, as he chuckled. "Okay."

He gripped your shoulder. "Just be careful, Kid."

And the plans were made.

**

So, Spring Break vacation was spent in a lakeside cabin that the Minkus' family had owned for years, and it was rarely used. Which meant major cleanup was done the first day.

And as soon as you noticed there were three bedrooms, you purposefully claimed one all for yourself.

The boys respectively claimed one room, while Riley and Smackle claimed the other.

"It's only appropriate ," Riley said with an innocent smile, referring to the gender based rooms.

You smirked. "Sure, Riley."

But if Zay happens to sneak into your room at midnight, a liquor bottle in his hand as he flopped onto your bed. Well, it's only appropriate that you don't offend him by rejecting his hand, outstretched and offering you some liquid relief.

You were going to need it to get through this week.

**

A couple days into the mini-vacation the group decided to roast marshmallows over a campfire. The glow from the fire was bright, and the flames so high they seemed to reach for the sky. Smackle and Farkle hands were clutched to one another's tightly. As they debated heatedly over some new scientific discovery.

Riley nuzzled into Lucas's side.

Zay and you passed a flask back and forth. Zay took long, savoring sips. And you, small, swift swigs as you tipped the flask back. You tried as always not to choke on the burn in your throat. Grateful for the warmth that spread through your insides, something that the fire had not been able to achieve.

Farkle's voice softened, as did Smackle's. And it's as annoyingly cute as it is plastic. Riley giggled into Huckleberry's shoulder.

You watched the sticky marshmallow darken. Your gaze, unflinchingly focused as the texture softened, became a soft ash black. And you weren't really in the mood for it anyway. Not then. So, you surrendered it up to the flames, and threw your stick aside.

Farkle pressed a soft kiss into Smackle's hair. While Riley rambled on animatedly with an adorably gentle look on her face. And though you didn't hear her, you're almost certain she talked about colleges like: NYU, Yale, and Harvard. And, you knew she would get into everyone she applied to. She'd worked her ass off. Pulled to many study hours than could be counted. And you couldn't have been more proud.

Lucas' eyes were bright as he dropped a messy kiss to her cheek.

You don't even blink at the PDA between the individual couples anymore. You're happy for Farkle and Smackle. They've been together since eighth grade. They're only sixteen and have managed to maintain a relationship this long. And you're seventeen and hadn't had a serious relationship in… ever. Their's is a long time for a relationship between two teens. A long time for anyone, really. But, some part of you is doubtful. Something inside you still squirmed. Resistant at the inevitability.

At all the foggy-minded misinterpretation.

You almost scoffed as you recalled the ultimatum Farkle had given Riley all those years ago. And the reason behind it.

You were all so wrong. None of you, ever learned how not to be.

_"Friends don't lie to each other. We don't lie to each other."_

The flames crackle, and pop as they sway gently in a light wind.

Maybe it was because, branded (or a Soulmate Badge as Riley preferred to call them because Branding sounds too barbaric, Maya!) on the underside of Farkle's arm was two lopsided lumps. Dark grey in color. They resembled a pair of Misshapen moons. Farkle liked to call them Phobos and Deimos. The moons that orbited Mars.

Or maybe it was because on the back of Smackle's neck is a book. It's one of the vaguest marking's you've ever seen. And sometimes you notice the small pages turning when she's near a specific person. But you keep quiet about who, and never bring it up. You've always been good at keeping secrets.

Then, there was LucasandRiley. The couple was curled up on a blanket. The stars shined upon them, making the couple seemed to radiate a golden hue. Their limbs were so entwined they could have been a human pretzel.

You smirked.

Riley caught your eye and gave you a sweet smile. And you noticed that your lips lifted to return it before you could even think about it. Not that you needed to think about it. You could not seem to forget the training the Riley committee had required.

Don't ever let the world break Riley; has always been your purest thought. The purest desire you've ever had. This need to keep her _her_ will probably destroy you. But, you were always the sacrificial lamb masquerading as the Big Bad Wolf. So it's all okay because though she isn't of the same blood she's as good as your family.

In many ways, she is both the oldest and the youngest of you two. So unafraid to hope for things even if she might get let down. But so naïve she could fall prey to anyone clever and ruthless enough to take advantage of that. So of course you protect her, because you met the world when your dad walked out, and the Matthews' walked in.

Most of all, you shielded her from the knowledge of the devastation you are capable of when the world crushes you between its teeth. You love her so much. She is as much your sister, as _he_ could never be your brother. Never be your friend. But you would never do anything to hurt Riley. Ever.

Riley closed her eyes as her smiling lips drag a slow trail down the side of Lucas's neck. And you hold your breath. You have never told her the world's bite is as worse as its bark. You keep it a secret. You hide it, but you are only human and sometimes you slip up.

The breath is torn from your lungs as you look away. You blow out a frustrated huff of air, as you scuff your shoes though the dirt. The great thing is no one notices, except possibly Zay as he wraps a warm arm around you, and pulls you closer to his side. You fall into him gratefully, resting your head upon the right side of his cotton sweater covered shoulders. You don't question him, are even feel the need to.

You and him have always had an understanding. Zay longs, aches, and breathes for a pretty, dark haired bespectacled genius. You finally called him out on this, when you two were walking home one night after crashing a party. And his drunken laughter had become a solemn tipsy-ness.

He hadn't been able to lie to you. Not when he knew your deepest secret.

You watched as Lucas rolled to his feet as he gently pulled away from Riley. He smiled smugly. As he turned the volume up on the stereo system, and fucking country music blasted from the speakers. He continued to stand, seemed to be waiting for something.

You shut your eyes, took another long swig of the liquor and burrowed deeper into Zay's side. You were silent. On your best behavior.

You felt his gaze slide over the group, pause on Riley, pass over Smackle, and stop on you. Your body tensed in response. Things hadn't been the same since that night of drunken clarity. That night of knowing what you wanted, and realizing it wasn't him. At least not like that. Not when he belonged to someone else. He cleared his throat.

"Would any of you ladies like to dance?"

And though his gaze had not left you, Smackle spoke.

"Don't hit on me in front of Farkle, Lucas."

Farkle groans. "Smackle!"

"What did I do?"

And you're so fucked up you felt it when Ranger Rick shook his head. Not even responding, but the weight of his gaze had not left. You remember thinking something about not having your slight shoulders burdened by the world in a long time. While your heart stuttered at the unexpectedness of it all. You clenched Zay's thigh, filled with a desperate sort of frantic-ness to leave. To run. Zay seemed to understand. As he squeezed your hand, and let his head rest atop yours.

You found it mildly surprising that Riley wasn't the first to volunteer. She loved any close contact with Lucas, and rightly so since he was her soulmate. Or something like that.

"Maya?"

For a moment you considered pretending you hadn't heard him. But the thought of pushing him away again, hurt more than you ever believed it would have. You knew you would never admit this. You would take it to your grave. Unfortunately you didn't have the luxury of a full night's buzz, and the same angry will you had that day four months ago. You're weren't strong enough.

"Can't you see I'm asleep?" You said, careful to add a note of irritation along with a sleepy pitch to your voice.

An amused chuckle made its way through the group. And you couldn't have missed the high tinkle of Riley's laughter. You suppressed a smile. You knew the sound better than your own. You had memorized it before you even knew what that meant. You had belonged to her before you even knew what hit you.

 _"Whatever you want."_  

You had said when you were just a small girl. To young to know better, but old enough to know what the world did to shiny, beautiful things.

And when she brought you back to yourself. Paint covered and smiling widely at you in your art classroom.

 _"You're the greatest thing that ever happened to me_ ," she told you with warm eyes. It was then, you knew you would protect her from the world while simultaneously giving it to her. And you did. You had. But that decision had returned to haunt you.

"Come on, MockingBird...Dance with me?" His voice is friendly, almost teasing. You knew better. Had heard the soft pleading tone beneath it all.

"Can't, I'm kind of a makeshift pillow right now."

Right on cue, soft snoring emerged from Zay, and you were forced to smother a giggle at the vibration that tickled your side.

"I'm sure he wouldn't mind me stealing you away for a song. Please, Maya?"

You broke then. Your thin bones crumbled to dust. Or at least you wanted to. Anything to have been able to dismiss that desperate look on his face. The way that crooked half smile on his face slipped, cracked.

"I'm not much of a dancer." And if that's not the dumbest piece of shit lie that ever came out of your mouth, your pretty sure it was close. Just a month ago you literally jumped up on a lunch table, dancing as you kicked off lunch trays in the name of rebellion, and crappy cafeteria food.

Needless to say you got a three day suspension, and detention for the rest of the month. But, you still don't regret it since the rest of the students in your year were starting to speak up, slowly. Not nearly with enough authority and bravado but its still something. Even if it's not in the way you expected or would have appreciated most. It's progress. There were posters, and small protests. Last you had heard the student body was to meet with some school officials.

"Maya?" Riley questioned. Her voice confused, and strangely guarded.

You tried not to notice how silent the rest of the group had become. And as if everything couldn't have been more perfect. You remembered then, that Riley and you have twirled around each other since you were small girls. She was your first dance partner. Easily distracting you from the fact that the first and last dance was always supposed to be saved for a father. But your's was an absent one, and in many ways you are grateful, since you might never had met her had you not had a reason to crawl through her bedroom window. And escape into her sunshiny world.

She had seen you dance when you finally grew the courage to move to the rhythm of your own beat. Spinning until you were drunk off the dizziness. And could not give a damn for who watched, because if they had a problem they could all go to hell.

A deep memory resurfaced, emerging from the corner of your tipsy mind. A red dress, combed chestnut hair in a deep grey suit that if hit by the light just right, hinted at a soft navy blue. A flash of another dress the color of summer sunlight, and long dark hair.

You had danced with _him_ for a short time at the Semi-formal, had let Farkle spin you around the gym floor for awhile. And at the end of the night, of course Riley had the last dance.

And oh fuck, wasn't that just wonderful?

You jumped up, realized you had been quiet to long. You snagged Zay to his feet, and dragged him back towards the cabin porch. Blatantly ignoring the surprised, and equally as questioning looks you two received from the rest of the group.

In the end, you were too frustrated to care.

He shook his head at you the whole way.

"You're not much of a dancer?" He asks, his tone dripping with sarcasm. "If there was ever a shittier lie…" He shakes his head, for the first time ever at a loss for words. And if this were for any other reason you would laugh, but well…he was right.

"Well that's just it. There can't have been, because that was awful, horrible, torturous, heart wrenching, terribl-"

You sighed, collapsed on the swinging porch seat. "Are you done?" You looked down. "I feel crappy enough."

He held up a comical finger, as if to say; one more. His eyes glowed humorously. "Maya hart, that was a classic sign of R.B.S.D."

You frown."Babe, you're going to have to ellaborate."

He laughed. " Rookie Bullshitting Skills Disease."

You gasped in feigned shock, held a hand to your chest dramatically. "Not that! Anything but that."

"Ay, I'm 'fraid so, Ma'am. The disease is rare, but it happens."

"Is there anything that can be done?" You were smiling, which was the point. But you couldn't have resisted, even if you had wanted to. You were curious to see how he was going to respond.

" 'fraid not Ma'am. But the symptoms are rookie bullshitting skills, stomach cramps, and really, really bad gas, like the type that kil-"

You were chuckling, as you pulled him down on the seat beside you and reclaimed your spot against his side. You inhaled the cold moist air so deeply your chest and throat ached. Looking up at the night sky you allowed your head to fall backward. Your thoughts were a restless storm.

But that was normal.

"Sometimes…" You sighed, let your sentence die. Forced yourself to study the way the moonlight hit the trees just over your shoulder. How the shadows of their old trunks and creaky branches loomed just beyond you. And your creative mind tried so damn hard not to find a deeper meaning then there actually was. Tried not to find something that couldn't possibly be there.

You were so damn sick of metaphors. Tired of deeper meanings. Tired of soulmates, and true loves. Sick of waiting when you knew you shouldn't. Metaphors were created to make the most complicated things sound beautifully simple. And you said, you didn't give a shit.

But your fingers still itched to paint the scene. To reveal something while simultaneously keeping it hidden. This is the way you are. The way you have always been.

And during all this, it occurred to you how bright the stars truly were. Twinkling brightly in the night sky. You didn't take note of how much brighter they were four years ago. Of how they burned, glowed under a younger sky during a different trip. At a different campfire. A different time.

Zay nudged your side with his elbow, raised his brows in silent askance. His russet eyes were sleep deprived, but his gaze was intent upon you, waiting. He hated unfinished business. Really anything unfinished just drove him nuts.

You played with your fingers, attempted to explain even a bit of what you felt. And as you spoke, you met his gaze. "Sometimes I- I just wish... That it was as easy as it all seems. As everyone makes it out to be. That you could choose who you're supposed to love, and not have it already be decided."

You shake your head. "It'd be so easy, because I'd choose-"

He pulled you into his embrace cutting you off, and your head rested comfortably on his chest. You closed your eyes, relieved that he understood. That he got it, because If he of all people hadn't.This caved in feeling in your chest – no matter how strong you played at- just might've drove you over the edge.

A chuckle rumbled through his lean form. But there was no humor in it.

"Trust me, Little Darling, if it were that easy, I'd choose you too." But he didn't stop, his hand had given your shoulder a gentle squeeze. And you looked at him.

"I know you don't like to talk about it. But you still have a chance. You still might get to choose. And I know it's not exactly what you want, because Riley makes having a soulmate sound like winning a lifetime supply of rainbows." You chuckled, because if there was anything Zay was best at was getting people to laugh when they felt like they were dying. And the smug bastard knew that, as for an instant he grinned cockily.

"And I don't know if she is Lucas's soulmate or not, because he's never shown anyone his tattoo -even me, which I'm still pretty pissed about because I'm supposed to be his best friend! But I digress- and if she isn't, then fuck it. You shouldn't have to waste your time waiting around for someone to acknowledge their feelings for you. You don't deserve that."

He looks down, his voice colored in something like self-pity. "No one does."

The air is tense, and Zay look angry with himself. Until you separated yourself from him. Your arms crossed as you leant against the wooden railing of the porch.

"You need to get laid." You smirked when he met your eyes. "Badly."

"You volunteering?"

You raised a haughty brow. "You really wanna fuck what we have up with a quick roll around?"

He shrugged, playfully. "Didn't stop us the last time."

"We were both too wasted to be able to blame it on anything other than the booze. Are you sure you want to face the consequences come morning?"

And just to nail your point home, you snatched him by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him so close his face almost touched your's. You gave him a small dangerous smile, silently challenging him to accept the offer.

And as expected his eyes widened in fear.

"Naw, Little Darling. And for the record I only refused because there's a possibility Lucas, and Farkle might kick my ass. Not because I'm scared of you."

"Whatever you need to tell yourself, Hunkalicious." Your grin could not have been wiped away for the world.

Zay wiggled his brows, as he said, "So what're we talking about here, you want to be my wing-woman?"

You chuckle, and the toothy grin he sends you is certainly going to spell trouble for other unsuspecting girls.

**

It was the last night of vacation.

You were glad it was over. Ecstatic that you could put a lot of space between you and Huckleberry. He wanted to be your friend. And you wanted to call him Bucky McBoing Boing. And that wasn't okay. Wasn't right. Not when he belonged to your bestfriend. And the girl that belonged to him, was your bestfriend.

It wasn't okay. To still feel so stung. To still feel that ache in your heart when he looked at you with those twinkling green eyes. Thankfully you didn't have to look at him as much as you used too.

And when you do, you're usually with the group at some classmates party. And the liquor that was usually available always dulled the senses. Made everything fuzzy and unfocused.

It did the same to his eyes.

You aren't proud of the sad look _he_ gives you when he catches you with another tequila shot. But it's better than the alternative.

The last triangle was a disaster. You'd rather be alone for the rest of your life than go through that again. Put your friends through that. Put Riley (who you love more than almost anything in the world) through that.

And if she is your buttercup. Then, Zay is your Babe. And at this point you'd do anything for them. You just don't tell them this. Riley would want you to remind her everyday, a smile a mile wide on her face. And Zay, he would walk around with that smug bastard grin.

So you don't tell them everything. You can't. Don't know how. So it stays inside.

You're still learning how to be okay with that. You were always a better listener, anyway.

Beer bottles littered the ground outside of the cabin. All of you letting loose, before you were supposed to re-emerge into a world of expectation. A world of pressure to find your soulmate, get married, and live happily ever after.

The only explanation you had for your lapse in judgement is; you were to happily tipsy to really think about it.

So you jumped.

The water was frigid as you cannonball-ed into the lake, naked as the day you came into the world. Your thoughts muddled together as you sunk deeper, and deeper. Allowed the icy currents to seep into your skin. The pressure on your ears had not been an entirely uncomfortable effect. But a couple moments later your lungs burned gently, and you could no longer ignore that you were freezing.

You shot up out of the water. Your body shuddered as the light breeze grazed your skin. You shifted wildly on your feet as you waded swiftly through the water.

Your thoughts were clearer when it formed a massive collective thought, "FUCK!"

You clenched your jaw to keep your teeth from chattering, because you no longer remembered whose shitty idea it was. But skinny dipping just screams something you would have suggested

There was a laugh that boomed, deep and warm. Zay. And soft maniac-like chuckles joined Zay's. Which could have only meant Farkle. And of course you had forgotten your audience.

Riley laughed drunkenly. Her eyes dazed, and her grin shit faced. And your eyes widened, when you realized she was butt ass naked as she disappeared under the water, splashing as she went. Only to reappear a few moments later a short distance away. Like an old game of Whack A' Mole.

You frowned. when had Riley decided to join the party? You wondered briefly if you had hit your head on some rock when you jumped into the dark waters because the possibility that you were just unconscious, and hallucinating was easier to believe then your little goofball, actually FUCKINGSKINNYDIPPING!

It was dark, and the boys are too far to be able to make out more than your shape as you're only knee deep in lake water. Which wasn't exactly providing coverage for anything above your knees. Riley emerged from the water like a cannon. Surprising you, as she appears in front of you, her brows are strangely furrowed and her gaze is frighteningly dark.

"Maya?" Her voice held a note of confusion as her eyes searched your skin. Suspiciously, not sounding as hammered as she did only moments before. And you hadn't quite known how to react.

She's studied your pale skin with an intensity that should've frightened you. But she was Riley, and you could have never been scared of her. After all, she was your favorite chump.

"Riley, what's wrong?" You had questioned, worried. Riley was frozen, her body stiff and devoid of the hyper-activeness that usually lingered just beneath her skin. But it was her eyes; stricken and filled with a frantic sort of panic that concerned you most. That filled you with dread.

"Where is…" Riley mumbles so softly that you can't make out the rest. "…seen your legs…" But you didn't need to, because she shook her head wildly as if in denial, and blinked a couple of times attempting to clear her vision.

You had a bad feeling as you made your way toward land, and swiftly tugged your clothes on. You pulled your shoes on as she stumbled through the water. Made her way in your direction. But she didn't look at you. Couldn't seem to meet your eyes.

You convinced yourself that it was the alcohol that made Riley act so weird. And not something she could have seen. Or the lack thereof. She couldn't have seen. And even if she had, there wasn't enough light for her to really ever know for sure.

So, you sighed in relief. And trudged over to her, smirking as she tried to put her head in the armhole of her shirt.

"Cuuurses!" She exclaimed in a tone that was supposed to hold frustration, but was actually more an intoxicated one.

You helped her put her head through her shirt, and didn't complain when minutes later you had to assist her with her jeans. You kneeled, her hand grasped your shoulder so that she could support her shaky frame. She was eerily silent as she slid her leg through one side of her pants. And that's when you saw it. Her tattoo.

There, just on the inside of her thigh. And it wasn't that you hadn't seen it before. You had, but only when it was a burgeoning mark. A small dark dot. When she and you were younger. When having a soulmate was everything. Until one day you realized, it wasn't for you. It was never supposed to be. But Riley… Riley had always wanted her first love to be her soulmate. She had guessed, claimed it was Lucas before it was even complete.

It was finished now. And she hadn't told you when this event had occurred. Hadn't called you when the inevitable pain had hit, as the mark etched itself into her skin. Her soul.

Your eyes cannot turn away from it. Can't look away from the beautiful fiery orange sphere.

You ignore the burning in your throat as you swallow. Ignore the ache in your chest, as you sucked in a breath. It was not what you expected. Not what you wanted. Not even what you had hoped.

But then again, life always thought it fit to have you screwed over.

It Mars.

Fucking Mars!

**Author's Note:**

> Quote belongs to author, and in no way belongs to me.


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